Wednesday, 27 April 2016



Are we heading towards the other end of gender discrimination?

Mr. Prasad, a post-graduate Physics teacher in a reputed Delhi school, had crossed thirty, completing his education and then establishing himself in his career. He was desperate to settle down. Without verifying things, he asked for the hand of a girl, ten years younger to him. He rented a bigger house and bought new furniture, electronics and other things before they got married. The girl didn't allow him to touch her on the first night. On the second night, when Prasad urged her for copulation she slapped him. After two days, she demanded a diamond ring in lieu of beginning their married life. Prasad complied but she didn't.
Even after fifteen days, nothing happened between them. One day, when Prasad returned from work, he found his house empty. Before he could understand, police reached to arrest him. His wife had filed a complaint against him for harrassing her for dowry.
After a few visits to the women cell, the girl demanded a hefty amount of ten lakhs rupees for an out of court settlement. At last, Prasad had to give four lakhs to get rid of her.

Anti-Dowry laws in India are being misused frequently to harass and extort husbands.
Section 498A of Indian penal code is meant to protect women against marital Cruelty and Dowry harassment. This law enforces the arrest of the husband and his relatives irrespective of their age and health only on the basis of the allegations made by the wife, without any evidence and investigation. It is a non-bailable section and allows imprisonment even before the guilt is established.
Divorce and Child custody laws too, are biased against men.
Domestic violence against women Law- 2015 is one-sided too. It is against the liberty and dignity of an average man.
Not only these, but most of the laws have an astounding scope of misuse. Any evil-minded woman can easily manipulate these laws to harm a man.
Women often file false and frivolous cases against men to teach them a lesson or to extort money from them.
Section 498 A is largely misused by women to settle scores with their husbands and in-laws. The result of a study says that almost 98% of cases filed under 498A are false.

Sumit Kumar, the eldest son of a Delhi Police Sub-Inspector, lives in a nearby apartment. His was an arranged marriage. The girl came along with a decent dowry along with a Wagon R car. Aftermarriage, she would go to her parent's house often. After a couple of months, she started living there more than she stayed at her husband's house. They had quarrel whenever she returned.
She gave birth to a girl child after a year. Everybody hoped that the things would improve between them.
Barely, after two months she went away with all the things she had brought in dowry, including the car but leaving the child with her husband. Sumit's father paid her two lakhs and could not escape from the draconian 498A inspite of being a policeman himself.

Women desecrate the institute of marriage and trust in relationships by misusing these laws for personal gains. They use it for extracting money, to walk out of the marriage due to adjustment and compatibility problems or to get rid of the husband as they don’t want to live with him. Many times, when a girl is forced to marry the man, not of her choice, she resorts to these laws to abolish the marriage knowing that the parents would also support her if they allege the in-laws of violence and unfeasible dowry demands.
There is an urgent need to repeal the laws and introduce gender neutral legislation. If everybody is equal in the eye of law and women demand equal rights, then, the law must consider that a woman, too, can harass a man physically, sexually, financially and mentally. Gone are the days when spousal abuse meant that the victim was wife. Now, men are at the receiving end often. They do face physical and psychological abuse at the hands of their wives.
Unfortunately, the law in India doesn’t recognize domestic violence against men. There has been a spurt in the number of men victims in last few years.
Our society considers it unmanly if a man is beaten by his wife. Men harassed at home, don’t get sympathy outside also. They are a subject of mockery. It is easier for a woman to report harassment but it is opposite for the men. Often, men endure everything for the sake of children for they are the worst sufferers in such fights. So, men don’t report abuse and harassment. Maybe, men need to change as the women are changing.

A Bangalore man approached the police to report an assault by his wife. The cops ridiculed him and threatened him that they would encourage her wife to file a case against him. The man killed himself the next day.

Only the weak, sincere and law-abiding men are distressed by the women. The unlawful minds know well how to play with the law.

Sadhuram, a class 4 employee in MTNL lived with his wife and two teenage sons. They’ve been living at the same address for ten years. Sadhuram was away for some days. In his absence, another man came to live with the family. Nobody doubted. The second night after Sadhuram returned, late in the night, people heard them quarrelling. Sadhuram called the police and claimed that the man who came to live in his absence was his wife’s paramour and had beaten him. The wife claimed that Sadhuram was not her husband but was her brother-in-law and was forcefully living with her after the death of her sister. The two boys, she said, were her brothers. Nobody believed the woman because her revelation was contrary to what she had maintained for ten long years. Police reconciled them and went away. Sadhuram was often beaten by the duo. Finally, he was forced to leave his own house which has a market worth of around sixty lakhs. His wife and her leman live together, shamelessly.  

Why should empowerment be a battle- battle of sexes when it comes to empowerment of women and battle of races, when it comes to empowering backward classes? Because empower in our country is rendered by privileges.
Privileges can’t empower anybody because it kills potentials of both, those who get them and those who don’t. The laws discussed above, are also a form of privileges designed keeping in view the vulnerability of womankind.
Social norms are undergoing change. Women today, want to do everything they were forbidden to do. They want to wear what they want, they want to go out at night, they want liberty about their sexuality because they think men enjoy that, they don’t want a pregnancy, they hate menstruation, they disapprove marriage because of the lifelong commitment it asks for and approve of live-in. Women chose live-in, men welcome it.
We owe the hugely in vogue ‘Live-in’ system to the biased and relationship-killer laws because women are aware of the whip hand the law gives them against the men.
Also, the whole movement of women empowerment is going in a direction that defies the premise of the nature. The woman has to produce children and the man has to be a protector and a facilitator. Men and women complement each other. None of them can be an independent entity. When we try to change the principles of nature, repercussions are inevitable.
Women have successfully proved that if given a fair chance, they can reach the pinnacle of glory in every field. We all acknowledge it. However, they must accept that men too have a big hand in that. Men have realized that the women should get their due and that a productive woman is a boon for a family, society and the country. The only thing is that they are too desperate. Mutual cooperation would make the long journey ahead comfortable and enjoyable.
At the same time, men must also realize why women have to decry of inequality and demand for empowerment. Aren’t men accountable for it?
Relationships are bliss. Let’s not be competitors. Let’s complement each other. Let’s live and let live.

(These are the personal views of the author and have no connection with any person, living or dead.)

#Articles #Laws #498A #Bloggers #Relationships #Man&Woman #TOI 


  1. Read the article. Well written. Actually, it's all a game of ambitions, aspirations and opportunism. With the education of girls they have become not only independent but delinquent and outrageous also. The sequel of my novel SONG OF A FLYING SPARROW is also based on the same theme where a lower middle class girl, on getting a govt job as a teacher, deserts her husband who is doing everything for the family yet not earning much.

    1. Thank you loads, Rajeev Pundir sir for your comment. Eagerly waiting for your novel.

  2. I know there are cases where these laws are misused, but we still need these laws because women are still harassed everyday by their in-laws and are extremely vulnerable.

    1. I agree, Ashwina. But the allegations of women must not be a testimony and a thorough investigation should be done before the arrest.

  3. Dr Alisha Desai21 July 2016 at 07:06

    Very relevant topic .... treated very well , with authenticity an without bias .
    Very thorough !